To FORGIVE or NOT to forgive “That is the QUESTION, but what is the ANSWER”
TO FORGIVE OR NOT TO FORGIVE
“That is the QUESTION, but what is the ANSWER”
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
The wisdom behind this verse
Does forgiveness mean that you have to allow a person back into your life? Are you evil if you decide to walk away or limit your interaction with a person who has hurt you? As a Christian are you required to forgive?
There are so many competing thoughts on this verse and this question. You need to understand what God requires of you in this instance. First, let me start by saying as a Christian or believer in Jesus Christ you ARE required to forgive. This is not debatable but what has been debated is the question, if I forgive do I have to let the one who hurt me back into my life. I am going to answer this question at the very beginning for you. The answer is no, forgiving the one who harmed you or the one who continues to disrespect your clear boundary, does not mean that you have to allow them back into your life. Many believers to their detriment, ignorance, and plain lack of knowledge invite people back into their lives that repeatedly sin against them. Thinking it to be the Christian thing to do, because we MUST FORGIVE, right?
I encourage you, my dear brother and sisters in Christ to please use wisdom just as the Bible instructs in Matthew 10:16 “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Remember FORGIVENESS itself IS NEVER IN QUESTION, YOU MUST FORGIVE!! Because our Father has forgiven us and many times we are often guilty of the same offense we are mad at the offender about in other areas of our life. That being said, when someone who has wronged you continues to ask for forgiveness, that person MUST BEAR FRUIT WORTHY OF REPENTANCE as the bible instructs in Matthew 3:8. The fruit would be the clear and measurable actions they are taking to change that for which they asked forgiveness. Are they still doing the same things that lead to the thing that harmed you, if so, they are NOT bearing the fruit that shows they are about to turn a new leaf so to speak. Let’s not forget, anyone can say sorry but time will tell if they are willing to change.
It is also important to note that as a person of faith, it is NOT your job to judge anyone. You are not God, therefore you are have not been given the authority to make a final determination on another human being. However, you ARE to be an EVALUATOR. As 1 John 4:1-5 says beloved do not believe every spirit but try the spirit to see whether they are from God because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” This verse tells us to evaluate a situation by “testing” the spirit behind the words spoken. Are they speaking to deceive or is it coming from a pure heart. After they have asked for forgiveness, what are they doing differently is a KEY question? Are they consistent in their change or do you see them slipping back into old habits after a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years. Remember we are to be AS WISE AS A SERPENT. The devil who is the Father of Lies is known as a serpent because he has the uncanny ability to maneuver and craft things. The devil looks at all angles of a situation in order to ATTACK you. He moves and slithers around until he finds a weak area in your life and gently wraps himself around you in that area and when you least expect it, he strikes. So God is asking us to be able to do the same thing oppositely. Like a serpent, you must look at all angles of a situation to determine how you must protect yourself. Look at your areas of weakness; look at how the person that is asking for forgiveness affects your areas of weakness. Then make a decision, do I need to put a wise boundary around myself against this person so that I can…. Remain innocent (in God's eyes) as Matthew 10:16 instructs.
Many Christians keep allowing themselves to be around people by whom they can’t remain “innocent” around. I certainly believe you must do your due diligence and pray. Ask God to change you, ask God to help you, and give you the strength to not be affected by the offending party whether they change or not. And for some, that is exactly what God will do. He will answer that prayer and make it possible for you to treat the person who has asked for forgiveness the same as before. You will enjoy a relationship like the harm never even happened.
But in other situations, God will not give you the answer you desire. The person's repeated offenses toward you will still have a grave effect on you. And this is where you must use discernment. Let me be clear, You MUST separate, limit access or create a strong boundary with the offending party if you are gravely affected by their actions or behaviors, EVEN IF THEY CONTINUE TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU DO NOT SEPARATE, WALK AWAY, LIMIT ACCESS OR CREATE A STRONG BOUNDARY YOU STAND TO LOSE THE PROMISES OF GOD JUST AS MOSES DID.
Moses one of God's most loyal and beloved servants LOST his opportunity to enter the promised land because he did not place a boundary around himself in my opinion. He was probably told by other Christians that as a leader he had to keep having conversations with people who clearly were not taking heed to his counsel and complained and blamed him for their problems. I am sure he was told by other brothers and sisters in Christ that this is the right thing to do because as a man of God he is supposed to minister to the lost. While that is true to some degree, as a servant of Lord Moses was certainly required to do as 2 Timothy 2:24-26 instructs, “and the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but must be gentle with everyone, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, so that they may know the truth.” However, we must not forget that no matter what kind of relationship we have with God, we are still human and not a deity. Moses was close enough to God to get the ten commandments but human enough to lose the promised land because of his anger and lack of boundaries.
I have forgiven everyone who has harmed me in my life. And I depend on God's strength to forgive anyone who might harm me in the future but I have personally been told by other believers that I am wrong for creating strong boundaries, limiting or walking away from a person who has harmed me continually. They would say I did not truly forgive that person or I was trying to “FORCE THAT PERSON TO ACT A CERTAIN WAY”. I have seen this same rhetoric in the area of family because people believe we should not put a boundary, limit, or even walk away from certain family members. But this is simply NOT true. NO ONE IS WORTH LOSING GODS PROMISE FOR YOUR LIFE. NOT YOUR HUSBAND, WIFE, MOTHER, FATHER, AUNT, UNCLE, GRANDMOTHER, GRANDFATHER, SISTER, BROTHER, COUSIN OR CHILD. Jesus said in Matthew 12:48 “Who is my mother and my brother. Then pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mothers and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven, the same, is my brother, and sister, and mother.” So while they may be family, Your goal is to be around those who “DO THE WILL OF GOD.” So that you can get everything God desires you to have.
Now I do want to caution you to NEVER “create a boundary, limit a person’s access to you or walk away from a person who has asked for forgiveness to punish them or teach them a lesson.” As God instructs we are to test the spirit, even if it is our own. Taking action to punish or assert your own justice against that person is an attempt to manipulate and control the situation. Make sure you are making your decision from a pure and sincere heart (1Timothy 1:5) to preserve your holiness. Or in other words, make sure you are making your decision to protect yourself from sinning against them or God or to protect others who could be adversely harmed by the person who harmed you. This requires you to be honest with yourself. If this person messes up again, what will be your response, because a person’s repeated offenses can create a root of bitterness in you that could spring forth at ANY moment. And if it springs forth and causes you to sin (Hebrews 12:15), you stand to lose the promises of God in your life. Remember your response to their behavior is always to remain “innocent” in God's sight. So if you must create a boundary, limit, or walk away from a person, never let anyone tell you that your decision made from a pure heart is wrong.
So, to forgive or not to forgive was the question, to this question I say YES, we MUST FORGIVE. But the ANSWER is to be wise, seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and continually watch their actions to determine if they need to be given free access back into your life, limited access or if you must forgive while walking away in peace and love. Trust that the Holy Spirit as He guides you because every situation will be different.
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